Deconstructing Four Bengali Hindu Wedding Rituals
While in childhood, I would be mesmerized to witness a traditional Bengali Hindu wedding rich in rituals, the adult me made me question certain rituals that according to the modern consciousness are misogynistic and reinforce hierarchies between two genders. Now when I say this, I don’t mean that all the rituals practiced in a Bengali Hindu wedding are meaningless and sexist. Many of these rituals do hold a scientific reason behind them. But then, it pangs me when I watch the bride being treated as an object during “Kanyadaan” or when the bride and the groom’s mother are not allowed to be a part of the wedding ceremony. I don’t know why we are still following these regressive rituals in the age of science and reason. Shouldn’t we dismantle this existing patriarchal setup already and do away with the nauseatingly sexist Bengali Wedding rituals?
Let’s take a sneak peek into some of the quirky Bengali Hindu wedding rituals.
Kanyadaan
This one has to top the list of misogynistic rituals. In this age-old ritual, the bride is “given away” to the groom by her father. It is believed that the groom is Lord Vishnu and “kanyadaan” therefore is considered to be the biggest offering made by the bride’s father. Performing this ritual is supposed to cleanse out all the sins committed by the bride’s parents. How gross is that? Of course, some people would justify this ritual. But, I feel giving the daughter away as a donation (daan) is downright insulting. This ritual is misogynistic at its core as it objectifies women. Is a woman a commodity or an object of charity? No right? Then why don’t we modify or change this norm?
Bhaat-Kapor
This ritual has been in practice for a long time. The purpose of this ritual is to provide financial security to the bride who is dependent on her husband. But now that most women are financially independent and contributing to the family finances, how can this ritual be still relevant? In modern times, both the bride and groom are financially stable to take care of each other. Hence, the promise of “bhaat-kapor” by the husband alone does not make sense. It is high time that we customize these kinds of rituals.
Forbidding the mothers of the bride and the groom from attending the wedding ceremony
The one who gives birth to her kid is asked not to attend her/his wedding. It is believed that if the mothers witness the main wedding ceremony, it might bring about ill-luck for the newly-weds. The fathers, however, are allowed to be present at the wedding. Isn’t that pathetic? How can a mother possess an evil eye that might cause harm? The wind of change is however blowing. A lot of people in our society have already boycotted this ritual. Let’s hope that more people come forward and put an end to this meaningless ritual.
Kanakanjali
In this ritual, the bride throws a fistful of rice backward over her head before leaving her maternal home symbolizing repaying her parents’ debt for bringing her up. But, how can a daughter repay everything that her parents did for her?
Shouldn’t we loathe these kinds of regressive rituals?
If you don’t believe in these rituals, don’t let the societal pressure force you to perform them.
